For one reason or another, your relationship ended – and like many people, you want him or her back. You want to get who you had back and you’ve got a good idea of how to accomplish this monumental task. Of course, the relevant question here should be” “Should you try to get your ex back?”
There are good and bad reasons to get back together with someone. It’s all about examining the cause of the break-up and the reasons behind your current urge to get back together with him or her.
Answering these three seemingly simple questions can clear up whether or not you should make the effort to get back together.
Why do you want to get back together with him or her?
While this may not be the most important question, this is the first question you should ask. Loneliness is a terrible reason to start a relationship, and doing it because your nether regions are quivering is just as bad. You need to find out if it is one or the other. Checking if you’re lonely is a matter of finding a few friends and spending some time with them. Go out, have adventures, have fun, and meet new people. If all that socializing does nothing but stress the fact that you miss him or her, then you may be onto something. If you only miss your ex when you’re alone, don’t go for it. It may seem crude, but a good way to check if you just miss the physical intimacy is to have an orgasm. If you still want him or her, then you may legitimately want to restart the relationship.
Why did you break up in the first place?
This is the most important question. This answer to this question should heavily influence your decision to try to get your ex back. Whatever the answer is, it will fall into one of two categories – either it was an irreconcilable difference or it occurred in the heat of the moment. You must be honest here.
An irreconcilable difference includes breaking up due to infidelity and it was a deal breaker. Another sad but irreconcilable difference would be a couple breaking up because one wanted kids and the other did not. Sometimes the issue is something chronic rather than a one-time deal.
A break-up due to the heat of the moment includes break-ups because of plain old bad timing. Maybe you had a bad day at work, and he’s been having trouble paying the bills. Your tempers flared, and at the worst possible moment, your pride followed and you ended up breaking up with him.
Once you remember why you truly broke up in the first place, you have to answer another question regarding it.
Has anything relevant changed since you broke up?
This is the clincher. Something must have changed since you broke up for you to even consider getting back together with your ex. This question only matters if you parted due to irreconcilable differences. Whatever reason it was that made you break up isn’t just something that happened – it is something that caused your relationship to end, something that mattered enough for you and him to call it quits, a deal breaker, or an unsolvable problem. This is not an easy question to answer and will definitely require you to reconnect on some level with your ex-partner.
You need to find out if s/he is a different person from before to be sure a new relationship won’t just end the same way as before. If s/he still doesn’t want kids, it’s off. If he’s still the same jerk as he was before, it’s off.
If you broke up because of a mistake made in the heat of the moment, it is a matter of finding out if s/he is the same person. People make mistakes and if a break-up happened because of a mistake, perhaps that break up was an error in itself.
Making a solid decision to get back with your ex is an emotional and likely extremely difficult process. However, a good relationship isn’t just something you can pick up. If he or she is worth it and you both want it and can make the necessary changes for the long haul, giving it another run might not be such a bad idea.