Honest Intimacy. Each of these words, considered separately, might cause a tickle of anxiety in the average person, but string them together and look out! The implication of these two words used in tandem is likely to incite a quickened pulse, sweaty palms, and the appearance of various shades of red and pink from the neck up. And, given the growing pandemic of easily discarded honesty, as well as the begrudged shackles placed –by most facets of society- on all things of an “intimate” nature, why shouldn’t the phrase “honest intimacy” be bothersome? It is, after all, the practice of truthful direction and instruction given with consideration, yet complete honesty to your spouse or partner…in the bedroom. It’s scary, intimidating, and certainly not an easy subject to address, especially if you –like the majority- find yourself about to celebrate your tenth anniversary with a man or woman that has been living under the impression that he/she has been successfully knocking your socks off for a decade (and chances are that you, too, have been giving yourself the proverbial pat-on-the-back based on the same delusion). But, all hope is not lost.
Communication and Trust. These are the two big boasts of any successful marriage. For the genuinely happy and connected couple, does one suppose that communication and trust stop at the threshold of the bedroom door? Why in the world of matrimony would a couple (metaphorically) bind and gag themselves in the midst of their most vulnerable moments? The truth is: if a couple can set aside feelings of embarrassment, shyness, or even shame –whether giving or receiving intimate honesty- there isn’t much that they won’t be able to openly discuss throughout their marital journey.
Marriage is an agreement to move through every aspect of life with absolute consideration for another person; there can be no asterisk or limitation to that consideration if a marriage is to move forward with as much ease and unity as possible. There is a certain renewed confidence and connection that comes from discovering and sharing a truthful expression of sensuality with your spouse. So, whether you are celebrating your 1st or 50th anniversary, it is never too late (or too early) for a married couple to ensure that intimate activity is fun, inspiring, and lasting.
**Note: In no way does this article suggest or advise participating in an activity that is uncomfortable or unsafe as a means to satisfy another person. Part of honest intimacy is expressing what is undesirable and/or uncomfortable.