Although love at first sight (or in this day and age love at first “byte”) has proven love true, it doesn’t always work for everyone which leaves the daters to work with more traditional methods such as seek-and-find. Fortunately, most people have a sense about people – or a gut feeling – that provides them with the ability to detect within a matter of minutes not only if there is a desire to pursue a relationship, but also to spot red flags as the relationship progresses.
Unfortunately, however, not everyone uses this given ability when it comes to their dating life. Some believe one reason is that the ability is masked, or blinded, by “dating fuels” that not only hinder relationship growth but also cloud one’s ability to make sound decisions. The most commonly ignited dating fuel being the “spell” many fall under when first meeting a love interest – you know, that feel-like-a-teenager or that nothing-but-rainbows-and-butterflies feeling that can pretty much cloud anyone’s everything if they aren’t careful. Another common fuel injector, “instantaneous technology” – is not only popular for their acclaimed Silicon Valley trademark, but also for the multitude of simplistic dating communication tools available to assist daters (smart phone, text, email, Skype, Google Hangout, etc.) that unfortunately also spawn emotional rollercoaster rides of either its initial intended instant gratification or conversely, a false sense of security depending on the “delayed” response received by one’s love interest.
Dating is difficult enough as it is without adding any fuels to the dating fires; combining even just the two aforementioned fuels could potentially create visions of a huge beach bonfire surrounded by firefly antics and shadow dancing that can feel more like a prelude to a NASCAR Speedway race than a prelude to a kiss on a first date. People are finally getting tired of date-a-holics and are looking for long-lasting relationships and advice on how to find the balance – with one of the most classic and basic solutions of all making a comeback – time.
In a perfect world people would approach dating with an open mind and heart, ready to love and be loved and wouldn’t freak over an occasional test of a boundary; but somehow skeptics have managed to chop that dating scenario to glitter even in staged fairytales fearing that society would prevail with its push for the do more in less time attitude, or as many are calling it, the “new Zen” of the current century.
In the real world there are those that enter dating as if entering a Haunted Mansion – slowly approaching every corner as if half-expecting another “what if” ghost of relationship past to pop out at any moment – “will the next move be to sabotage or embrace?” And then there are those who can’t seem to get past those tainted past relationships who might as well be wearing signs on their forehead that read, “I think I am ready to date again; shall we dance?”
So how can time help reveal the truth in love and relationships?
Time not only allows for that old-fashioned getting to know someone and the building of friendship, it provides for the building of a solid foundation that will withstand even the strongest of storms. Time allows for the discovery of compatibility, the revealing of a heart’s true intent and a person’s truest of character. In fact, time allows for truth in all directions – whether a love is meant to be or not to be, and even if or when a direction might need a course change.
If a person watches and listens and learns patience, they can see how a person treats them and others, as well as how that person interacts with others over time – including strangers, friends and family. It’s easy to put on a “best self” when dating – but it’s difficult to keep up any façade over any length of time. Listen to your date’s conversations; how they talk to and about you and others, and also their topics – are they discussing their life or constantly referencing someone else’s? Do they avoid, point fingers or take accountability? Do they handle challenges well? Are they driven, lazy or do they anger easily? How do they treat the waiter at the restaurant? Do they litter, double-dip, share and give naturally, and do they tip decently? Do they sugar-coat, have no patience or volunteer on occasion? Do they conserve energy or waste water? Do they attempt to please or seek to complain?
Not everything will be a deal breaker and not everyone is perfect; in fact, flaws are what make a person beautiful or handsome. There are simply times caution must be exercised and there are times compromise is simply unacceptable. A messy car can be overlooked; a person who treats others with disrespect should not be tolerated.
Perhaps more folks should try to not let technology’s instant gratification take them any further than their heart was meant to beat; and perhaps more should try to let time take the reins to help them stay on the same beat their heart is on – one beautiful, enjoyable moment at a time.
As always, good luck in your dating ventures, be safe, don’t take life too seriously and for goodness sakes have some fun.
“The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once.” –Albert Einstein
“We never live. We are always in the expectation of living.” –Voltaire
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