After finances and deciding how many times fellatio shall occur, cohabitation is an issue that can bring out some empirical opposites in a couple. Why and when you should move in with your significant other is a decision that involves exhaustive debating and pandering. The leading argument as to why moving in together is a good move is that as a couple, you’ll save money. More money means a better engagement ring, a better engagement ring buys you a few years to plan the dream wedding, and so forth. However an article over on NY Times posited a strong argument that will make even the most doting couple pump the brakes expeditiously.
In it, author Meg Jay, a clinical psychologist from UVA, points out that at least half of 20somethings believe that living together is beneficial and actually healthy to the relationship; they strongly agreed with the following statement “You would only marry someone if he or she agreed to live together with you first, so that you could find out whether you really get along.” That doesn’t surprise me because I’ve always believed that to be true. Logic would have you thinking that if you can’t accept them for their Funonions fetish and them clipping their Edward Scissorhands – toenails while watching Grey’s Anatomy, you’re probably won’t last in a marriage. Yet statistics contradict this assertion.
Judging from the divorce rates, cohabitating without commitment will put your relationship in purgatory. Without a deadline or even you discussing how you feel about marriage, living together brings about comfortability. It’s a symptom that researchers call “sliding”.The premise is that in majority of the cases of couple moving in with one another, it “just happens” and it’s not thoroughly discussed by either party. As I stated upward, if you’re spending all your time in one place, you rationalize in your mind that ‘you may as well’. But coupled with the exponential rates in divorce over the last 40 years and the widespread “baby mamas/daddies” out there, it’s pretty clear that men and women treat cohabitating very differently.
For men, moving in with your girl is similar to giving a baby pacifier. When babies cry, most parents try to calm them down with a pacifier. If your baby is hip, the sucking will relax them; but it’s a bandaid on a bigger want. Some men move in with their girl to quiet her down. Because women put so much emphasis on certain gestures in a relationship, they’ve been conditioned to see cohabitating as preparation for the engagement. All the while, a guy is thinking “okay I moved in and shut her up. We don’t have to talk about the next step for a few years.” A year turns into three. Before you know it, you have a toddler with another baby on the way. Yet that third finger on your left hand is still bare. In the article, the author has a patient Jennifer, who lived with her boyfriend for four years before getting married. F-O-U-R! They owned two dogs together before her last name changed. Can we say hustling backwards???
I’ve always said moving in together is a decision that should be made with the immediate future in mind. You can’t always see that far into future but it’s financially responsible to know how long you’ll be glorified roommates. Because if you wind up Brooke and Gary in The Break Up, you could lose far much more than just your rental deposit. Cohabitating brings about a full and swift intermingling of your friends and family members. So if the day comes that the relationship goes south, the separation of what used to be “our” life will be way more traumatic and uncomfortable than it needs to be.